I’ve been running with bad company the last few weeks. Carbs.
It’s so good. I could marry it. Really. We’d be happy together. Fat and happy.
It started around Easter when I made two pounds of orzo, chock-full of basil, feta, and grape tomatoes. Why two pounds? Don’t be ridiculous. Because one pound is not enough.
Anyway, that was the beginning of a downward spiral and I think I’m starting to see what all those crazy skinny people are saying about “bad carbs, bad.” I used to laugh at those self-depriving fools (no offense skinny people, I’m just jealous . . . duh) who’d tell me carbs are the root of all evil. Actually, I think they said the root of all body fat, but tit for tat.
I’d still consume my carbs, though, by golly, I would! But when one woman ingests two pounds of orzo over the course of a week, let me tell you what happens to her waistline: she’s more or less kicked and dragged into an alley to have the snot beat out of her by the likes of the Pillsbury Doughboy.
I’ve even scared myself with this one. (Shudder.)
Except with this Doughboy, if you dare poke his belly, he takes a sock full of pennies across your jaw. In other words, he ain’t going to be giggling.
Neither was I for that matter, especially when I put on a few pounds over that week and found my jeans were fitting snug.
Look, I hate to say the skinny people are right on this one, but I think they might be.
You better believe this is a hard admission for me to make. I mean, I’ve hardly listened to anything a skinny person has told me over the years. Like, at all. For example, they say it’s possible to eat healthy and fulfilling snacks, such as a handful of almonds and blueberries.
But what I took away from their suggestion was this: Grab a handful of nuts and berries and then turn your hand into a tightly packed fist. Jam said fist into vat of sugar, then a vat of melted chocolate, then back into the vat of sugar–for a light dusting, of course–and then that makes a perfectly healthy and fulfilling snack.
Vat of chocolate. My vat isn’t this size. It’s bigger.
I guess I need to start paying better attention.
Oh, carbs. Why? You’ve betrayed me. (But I still love you. Call me.)
